Yoyo Hauling Can be Deadly
by Vanessa S. Quest
Summary: What would happen if say Saint Nick crossed Jonny Quest? More trouble than it's worth, THAT'S for sure! Sequel to Revenge of the Pint-Sized Yoyo Hauling Elves (Duh!)


Yoyo Hauling Can Be Deadly: by Vanessa S. Quest (just in time for the holidays. yes, the wrong ones.)  
  
He sat looking at his list, checking it twice. finding a way to escape this. what HAD TO BE a clerical error. "How in the name of cookies and gum- drops could Jonny Quest be a good boy who sent me a VALID Christmas list this year!?"  
  
Santa rubbed an old battle wound. Oh yes, he remembered the Quests, but more particularly, THAT boy. Jonny. Not a BAD boy, just a grudge-holding temperamental boy. In fact, years ago he had been a sweet, caring boy towards him, sitting on the laps of his workers, making joy spread throughout the land, until he was 1 that was. Santa shivered. He slid an AK- 47 down his bag, some explosives and most importantly a 'yoyo' for the young boy of 14. "He has pneumonia this year, he can't POSSIBLY be as mobile as last year." He plotted, remembering all the devious traps and dynamite.  
  
He held the scar of a reindeer hoof-shaped brand burnt into his shoulder. "Evil, EVIL child. For this. you shall pay."  
  
Meanwhile, in Maine.  
  
Venus finished wrapping all of the presents.  
  
Jonny twirled around a tree in the background, "Twirl-y, Twirl-y Twirl! I'm a pretty butterfly! *Achoo!* YEAY!"  
  
Venus smirked, snapping a Polaroid of him dressed in a crown, butterfly wings and a dress. "Thank YOU Mr. President of National Geographics, no, no. it was definitely worth the risk."  
  
Benton glared at Venus. "What have I told you about taking blackmailing photographs of your brother when he's hallucinating?!"  
  
"To make double copies?" Venus's voice perked. She handed him one.  
  
Benton smiled and patted her on the head. "That's my girl." She smiled and shot three more shots; Jonny fell from the seizure like speed of the flashes, hitting the ground with a thunk.  
  
Benton continued decorating the tree, glancing over to make sure Jonny was all right.  
  
"He's fallen off higher." Venus concurred, then nodded with a smirk.  
  
Jonny got up, grabbing his head, the room spinning. "THE BUTTERFLY QUEEN HAS CHOSEN ME, I must go to her dance to fly away." he ran towards the balcony.  
  
"Oh SHIT!" Venus ran after Jonny and tackled his knees, sending his down into the carpet. "IRIS, Tell me you got that all on tape?"  
  
"Who's IRIS?" Jonny asked, chewing on his toe.  
  
"DAD! We need to feed him, and stop giving him codeine." Venus paused to think, "And due to the suspicion that might arise in the physicians from the source of codeine never going DOWN. I'll take one for the team. and when I say one, I mean I'll take the bottle."  
  
"Venus."  
  
"No fair." Venus pouted at the correctional tone Dr. Quest's voice was making.  
  
December 23: 2002: 7:09 PM EST: Dr. Kyo Rei comes in for one final house visit that year, hopefully. "Well, Dr. Quest, his pneumonia's cleared. But you should still keep him inside for the next few days, so his immune system can build back up."  
  
December 23: 2002 7:12 PM EST: An urgent SOS signal is sent out to Santa Claus and his many men. "Honey, pack me the blizzard gun."  
  
"But. Nicholas. it's UNTESTED. UNSAFE! My love, my life. I can't allow you to."  
  
"Honey, pack me the blizzard gun." He nodded solemnly.  
  
With a tear in her eye, she did as she was told.  
  
"An immobilized Jonny is one thing, I survived that terror as a toddler and infant with only scrapes and bruises, and horror stories for the kids. but. fully mobilized?! WHY HASN'T HIS FATHER MADE THE 'ARRANGEMENT' to go out of TOWN yet.?" He paused, "Something is very wrong, the only way he wouldn't is if he couldn't. yet if the boy is only partially mobile. I shutter to think the consequences."  
  
He laid out the floor plans to the building, schematics Surd could never dream of. Every nook and every cranny, every in point, out point, security was not a problem.  
  
A plan formed.  
  
5000 lines extra drawn onto the schematic, "This boy's goose is cooked if he tries anything. and by golly, I'll get him that yoyo!"  
  
December 24: 2002 8:00 AM EST: Jonny yawned sleepily. "Morning." He walked into the kitchen, a large feast awaiting them for breakfast.  
  
Venus, Race, and Jessie covered in flour, dough and sprinkles from the bake- fest.  
  
Jonny rubbed his head. "Why are you all cooking? Where's Mrs. Evans? .Is today her day off?"  
  
Venus and Jessie looked at the camera both equidistance from them, they dove at it, as the fight ensued they both reached their hands up, camera and all and shot three shots of the camera, sending Jonny to the ground.  
  
"HEY! Warn me!"  
  
Race laughed insanely and helped the girls up, then Jonny.  
  
"I've been sick remember.? What day is it today, anyways?" He said apathetically.  
  
Race looked around nervously, he dove for the camera before the girls could think to. "It's Christmas Eve Jonny!" *FLASH! Snap, FLASH!*  
  
"GAH!" Jonny's eyes turned progressively redder in the shots, and not due to flash or lack of sleep, but more like the inner bits of Satan pouring from him on a quest to drink the blood of the nearest Virgin to appease the angry spirits. "He must. Be. DESTROYEDDDDD!" Jonny's voice echoed as if demonic, he hacked up a cough at the end though, killing the effect.  
  
Venus held out a cookie, "But Jonny. I baked cookies."  
  
Jonny looked at his feeble-minded sister, this is CHRISTMAS, no time of holiday. time for death and despair. "HAS CAPITALISM GOTTEN TO YOU TOO?!"  
  
"Um, no." Venus pounced on him, "BUT I JUST SPENT A 12 HOUR BAKING SPREE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND RACE. Eat the damn cookie if you know what's GOOD for you." She gritted her teeth.  
  
Jonny gulped, he chewed on the cookie, "Oh, how .delicious?" He twitched. "Now help me plan how to kill Santa Claus once and for all, I need help due to illness. This illness has eaten up way too much time and he'll be here. after me, I know it! My JONNY SENSES are TINGLING."  
  
Race looked at the floor and moved the cookies away from Jonny a good two feet so not to 'contaminate' them with said Jonny Senses.  
  
"Venus. he's YOUR brother, you handle him, does he REALLY have Jonny- Senses?" Jessie asked.  
  
"How the hell should I know if he's still on the codeine? Oh, you mean super powers? No. We aren't the flippin' wonder twins." She rolled her eyes at Jessie. "He's probably hallucinating on the codeine."  
  
"NO! I'm NOT I swear, Santa's coming down here to kill me, because dad didn't take us on Vacation! LOOK AT THE PAST! We've NEVER stayed here for a COMPLETE Christmas. EVER. not since I was 4. We always go away and all of the "From Santa" presents. that bastard, LEAVES THEM HERE. Except this year. we AREN'T joining Jessie and Hadji on a ski lodge on Christmas day. so we aren't leaving Christmas Eve at 11 PM. NO, no. WE'RE staying here. He's coming to kill me I swear! RACE YOU'VE GOTTA PROTECT ME! Help me kill Santa."  
  
"Are you going to be frantic if I don't, all day and night. until we booby trap the entire house?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And probably run outside?" Venus added Race smacked himself in the head.  
  
"And give myself a wicked relapse of pneumonia by going for a swim, yes. any other questions?"  
  
"Just one: How much dynamite and plastic explosives do I need? I still have time to fax Santa a revisal of *my* X-Mas list you know." Jessie said, with explanation.  
  
Venus started to contemplate, "Jonny. last year. we didn't have any problems with Santa though, and we had the presents BEFORE you left. Hey, did you give Santa a list last year?"  
  
"Every year dad makes me write a list. I never write a real one, just threats and hate mail, stupid bastard."  
  
"But this year you DID. Jonny, when you were on codeine. a yoyo, a pony, a chainsaw, a million dollars, a puppy, that made Bandit cry so you know and for that I love you, a bus boy named Fillip (pronounced fill-Eep) and lots of explosives and guns."  
  
"I hate you all."  
  
"We have pictures documenting the PROCESS son, if you'd like to see."  
  
"I HATE YOU!" Jonny cry-laughed, "But now. I can destroy my arch nemesis, he may bring 'joy' to other children. but oh. how I must destroy his brand of evil, oh IT MUST BE SO!"  
  
December 24: 2002: 10:00 AM EST: Hadji walked out of his room, slipped onto a roller skate and went flying down the hallway.  
  
"YA! What in the hell is up with that my friend?!"  
  
Jonny giggled, Venus waved the Polaroid to develop it quicker. "We had to test the first line of Santa booby traps."  
  
Venus pulled the skate back to Hadji's door. He glared at her. "I detest you. He is at least a deluded fool, even without the codeine. but YOU? What is your excuse?!"  
  
"He offered to give me twenty bucks an hour, how could I refuse family?"  
  
"Dig-ni-ty? Located in Webster." Hadji explained, walking to the kitchen to grab some cookies.  
  
"Okay, so you know, they are color coded, Jonny explained to me he color- blinded Santa Claus after some blunt trauma to the head one year, by the way, I'm video taping this and selling it to Beyond Belief with all of our faces fuzzed. Um. red is poison, green is sleeping gas, and blue and black is safe."  
  
Christmas Eve: December 24: 8:30 PM EST: Location: Portland, Maine.  
  
"Okay, time for you all to get out of my hair. if I have to walk around one more booby trap or hear one more conspiracy theory I'll swear I'm in college again. And Race, the Agency."  
  
"Okay, okay. we'll go to bed, we wanted to have a sleep over tonight, in my room." Venus explained. Benton nodded.  
  
"Whatever, just GO."  
  
Meanwhile, in the North Pole: "Alright, where's my bullet proof, burn proof red vest? AGNIS, you know I need it sweetie."  
  
"I ironed it earlier dear, you have to look presentable; what if all he wants to do is make peace?"  
  
"That's impossible, Jessie Bannon just sent me her updated Christmas List, she wants more explosives. it's a showdown tonight."  
  
Christmas Eve: 11:05 PM EST: 1 Quest Drive Portland, Maine:  
  
"Checking, checking. DAMN he's still here. That means I have to deliver the goods. Whatever the boys in accounting are PLANNING."  
  
Santa landed his sled onto the roof, bells started ringing. "Aw, they decorated. hey. wait a second. I smell nitrogly-- DOWN RUDOLPH DOWN!"  
  
The patch of roof exploded, as did half of Santa's reindeer. He cried, looking at the reindeer cinders, "You'll come back, with the spirit of Christmas. but gosh darn it, that little brat's getting a SPANKIN for this!"  
  
He huffily trotted towards the fireplace and slid down it.  
  
He quickly started crawling upwards realizing a blazing fire with chestnuts was roasting his rear at the bottom of that tunnel.  
  
"I have to get in here. That little bastard can't win. Oo! I mustn't forget my manners!" He smacked his hand. "Bad Santa, bad Santa."  
  
A section of roof, just priorly burnt, collapsed. "My in!" His eyes glowed and glistened with a jovial joy, as he slid down the hole with the sack on his back screaming, ever so softly, "JERONIMO!"  
  
"He's in," squawked Jessie into her hawk brand walkie-talkie.  
  
"Okay, the fat man's in the building, H-man, Ray-man, J-man, move out throughout the floor plan. B-girl, and V-girl will cover the exit hole. His tub of butter is ours." Venus said as she slid through the oiled floor towards the kitchen where Santa had just landed.  
  
They all nod in synchronized time, as they activate the watches. "Move out. Roll, roll, roll!" Jonny called out through his radio as he and Hadji slid into the den.  
  
"Ooh, cookies, how sweet!" He looked at the note, "Dear Santa, You suck. My sister said I had to leave these out for you though you SOB. I hope you choke. With love, Jonny."  
  
"Well that's only minorly disturbing." Santa said as he shoveled the cookies into his mouth.  
  
Benton walked into the kitchen, without a scratch from the traps, he looked at Santa, "WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE MAN?! Are you daft?! Do you have a death wish?" He turned on the light and grabbed some milk. "One, Venus is in that corner, Jessie is nailing up your exit, the entire house is practically sealed and Jonny's the only one who knows the exits now. and TWO. you just ate poison. Here, drink this, it'll counter it."  
  
Jonny ran in, "But DA-AD, you promised you wouldn't tell him!" Benton rolled his eyes.  
  
"No, I promised I wouldn't let him press charges. Santa, drop anything needed, don't try to kill my paranoid son, and EXPLAIN to him you weren't going to, you're a light hearted fellow. you can do that, can't you?"  
  
"You. heh. um. Why, myes." He dropped the sack and opened it up and threw out a yoyo to Jonny. He pulled out all of Jessie's, Hadji's, Race's, Venus's, and Benton's gifts and distributed them under the tree protected by Dr, Quest. His eyes narrowed, he then pulled out another 'toy' this one, the Blizzard Gun .  
  
He shot at Jonny then ran.  
  
"Well that was unexpected to say the least." Benton swore, as he saw Jonny drop to the ground, with an immediate chill, his eyes too, now narrowed. "Oh Santa. my son asked for other gifts. Where are they, not to be greedy."  
  
"Oh, right here." A sweat drop formed, he dropped them down and ran for the hole. Benton took the small explosives Jonny had requested attached it to the head of the yoyo, Jonny swung it at Santa. The yoyo wrapped around his leg and exploded, leaving Santa an amputee.  
  
Santa screamed, then looked back, Benton quickly "snatched" the yoyo from Jonny, who was frozen, and laughed coyly. "Heh?"  
  
"It'll grow back. and when it DOES Jonny. you're getting your ass kicked!"  
  
Jonny shivered.  
  
Santa fled, "It ONLY TAKES A YEAR!"  
  
Benton carried Jonny into his room, "Call Dr. Rei. .And no one will ever make mention to Jonny being right. ever again."  
  
Jonny looked at his dad, "Dad. Santa left his sack of toys behind, you realize."  
  
"Yes Jonny. so?"  
  
".We get stuff before Rage and Zin. and their minions you ALSO realize."  
  
Benton smiled, "That's nice son, but you realize, now I have to feed a bus boy/cabana boy named Fillip and a puppy." Benton watched in horror as Bandit swallowed the puppy whole, then choked, "On second thought, just Fillip, you think he'll like Bandit's dog biscuits?"  
  
The End.  
  
"Breaker: Breaker: H-Man, it's Ray-Man, I'm stuck to the stairs. HELP ME!" -Race  
  
"Do you guys want some. Cookies? Because if you don't I'm going to shove them down your throat anyways." -Venus  
  
"Don't make me kill you, I want a pet monkey to do my lab work. IF THE POWER PUFF GIRLS CAN HAVE ONE SO CAN I!" (whiney) -Benton *drool*  
  
"Does this make my butt look fat? How about THIS." (nude, nude with lights off) -Hadji-baby.  
  
"WAHOO! I'm a pretty, Pretty Princess. HEY! WHAT ARE ALL THOSE PHOTOS DOING ON THE TREE! Oh dear sweet Jesus-Fish off brand of Swedish Fish Venus, Dad WHAT HAVE YOU BOTH DONE?!" -Jonny, on codeine *FLASH!* (Flash Photography is my friend, just maybe not his. BWAHAHAHA!)  
  
"And THAT is why you should never mix the Pink Panther marathons with Barbie Dolls and vodka 120 Proof, even in blenders. EVEN if you *THINK* you have the tolerance to stand up and still turn out cool. because. you. can't." -Jessie. 


End file.
